Did man spring from monkeys?

By: Buddy Simmons

            I've heard it said that eternity is a long time, but did you ever stop and try to comprehend just how long eternity actually is?

            A wise man whom I knew many years ago, an old time preacher, used to use the following illustration to show how long eternity will be.

            He'd say, "You picture in your mind a steel ball the size of this earth we live on, if you will, and every hundred years, an eagle flies around it and dusts it's feathers down on that steel ball which is the size of the earth. In the time it would take that eagle to wear out that steel ball into nothing, eternity would just be beginning."

            You know, I heard a gentleman on the radio discussing whether or not we were created or just happened to spring up out of nothing. He called it a single cell which kept dividing and adjusting to it's ever changing surroundings.

            He went on to say that at some time in the past, man had evolved from a monkey, and that we had apes for ancestors.

            If man sprang from a monkey, how come they ain't still springing? Did they break their spring? How come humans ain't still having monkey babies and monkeys ain't having human babies'    

Now, I want you to answer me a question. Suppose you meet this good looking gorilla babe that you'd like to take home to meet the folks? It could happen, you know.

. You rush into the house, and with enthusiasm, you look at your Mama and say, "Look Mama, I done brought my new girl friend home to meet you and Daddy,".

 I can hear Mama telling her now, "You're welcome here, honey, but you gonna have to stay in the yard. I don't allow no dogs in the house so you'll just have to stay outside with them or the dogs will get jealous. Another thing, I don't want hair all over my new carpet. Maybe if my son bought you one of them new fangled razors I heard about, you can cut some of that hair off. If, not, I've got a chain saw that ought to cut it off in nothing flat. Only problem with that is, you would still be so ugly you’d look like you’d been on fire and somebody done put your face out with a hatchet. Talk about a face only a mother could love, well, I ain’t your Mama."

And then Mama would say, "Son, you having trouble seeing? Maybe you ought to have your eyes checked out. I hate to tell you this, but that is one ugly gorilla. She could snag lighting and draw thunder, she’s so homely. Look at how her knuckles drag the ground when she walks. Man, them would be some ugly kids. They'd look like three hundred pound stinging worms."

Can you imagine waking up every morning to look over at your wife. She lies there in all her gorilla beauty, scratching every once in a while at the fleas running rampant in her coat, and suddenly she has a fit! One of her fleas got away!

She looks over at you out of them big beady eyes, reaches for her flea which has jumped over on you and she asks, "Are you gonna eat that?"

 I've seen some men that's got so much hair they favor an ape, to a certain extent, but hey listen, when you look at them real close you can tell that they ain't got a drop of Monkey blood in them, even though they look like they might have fleas.

            One more thing, if you know me, you can be eat up with dumb heads and still be smart enough to know I wasn't meant to swing around in no trees.

            Of course, you know I'm just joking around, but the subject of Creation is a very serious matter to me because I'm married to a lady who is the most beautiful woman on the face of this earth.

            Somebody asked me the other day, "Don't you never wake up hateful in the morning before you leave for work?"

I couldn't let that opportunity for a laugh pass me by, so I said, "Naw, I just let her sleep! If I wake her up, she might decide to cook.. Now, I ain’t saying my wife can’t cook, but tell me something, is meatloaf supposed to glow in the dark?

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